Normal Males are Marrying Up?


Well…we knew it was coming! Like the waft of garlic at an Italian eatery coating us with cultural adornment and fantastic memories…we have seen the financial and educational shift and its’ impact on marriage…leaving men wondering about the aftertaste and just when will it go away and if not…then when and what do we do about our change in position at home and at work?

Stories abound in the NYT and morning talk shows with research just released from the Pew Research Center that reveal a startling analysis of census data for men and women aged 30 to 44 years old.

The report finds that this generation of women out number their gender counterpart in college attendance and degrees and where their earnings have been increasing since 1970. How could we have not seen this coming? We all watch Jake Pavelka, The Bachelor, right? Well, if he is actually going to propose at the end of ABC’s commercial scam then that lucky lady will have to be “ok” with Jake only being a pilot…and we have all seen the stories of how little money pilots actually make.

The research discusses the challenge for African-American women who are struggling to find adequate mates who hold degrees and stable jobs and who will emotionally support a change in breadwinner status. That will be a component for another day and another post. One that remains of monumental concern for the long term development of African-American boys…but let’s stick with the “simple” implications for the genders shall we…

Ok, let’s “Do It” as Nike might say even though they might want a revision to that tag line given Tiger Wood’s recent activity and rumored therapeutic interventions.

Are we talking about women or are we talking about men and their underlying fears and fragile egos? Are we talking about saving the next generation of young women from same-aged males who are feeling the effects of a splintered and cracked windshield to the world?


These findings are another example of the absolute need for Change, if I may borrow from President Obama, within the Normal Male community. Not only are we, as a country, losing steam in the “Race-to-the-Top” for educational prowess in the world, but males are the ones dragging us down.

Women and girls have, frankly, been kicking our tails in every descriptive statistic available while we have been on the couch relieving our youth or at least hoping to as if we could do a “Brett Favre” and show the world who is still the “best.”

Perception can in-fact be reality and Normal Males need to respond to such findings and support the women in our lives that are providing and modeling responsible commitment levels to family and work.

Redefining Normal Males is imperative for our economy, our communities, our families, and our own personal development and growth. If we, as men, continue to sit on the sidelines waiting to be called into an intramural basketball game for rickety ole’ former “has-beens” we will end up just like they do after a sad Saturday game at the Y…sweating, discombobulated, and wondering where the years went.

We cannot afford apathy of any degree…we need to understand the world we currently inhabit…not the one we came from…and understand the demands and requirements of this world so that we can be better to ourselves and those in our lives. If we refuse and treat these findings as a threat, then we run the risk of sacrificing another generation of boys who are starving for direction, support, and social-emotional development.

Luckily Darwin has long sense passed, otherwise our entire gender might succumb to Natural Selection and be booted off this rock for failing to provide anything of substance to our species. Maybe we need a natural preserve where we can be studied…where we are provided food, water, and shelter for the scientists to better understand our natural patterns of behavior and communication. Shoot, 60 Minutes did a story recently where researchers are doing that very thing for Forrest Elephants in an effort to develop an Elephant dictionary.

With today’s news let us celebrate the unbelievable accomplishments of the females in our lives, minus the Heidi Montag’s of the world, and look for solutions and support measures that speak the truth to all generations of males and work towards a positive evolution of Normal Males…one that we can all be proud of.

Dr. Rod
Rod Berger, PsyD
The Normal Male

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4 Comments

Filed under Boys, Dumb Men, Education, Family, Fathers, finances, Girls, Good Men, head of household, Heidi Montag, Males, Marriage, men, Mothers, Relationships, Sports, Success Stories, Uncategorized, Work

4 responses to “Normal Males are Marrying Up?

  1. So what is the redefinition?

    • Hi Dan,
      Thanks for your question! I will say this…that manhood is not the way that it is portrayed in today’s media. We are not all like the foolish men we see on reality tv nor are we all bad friends, spouses, co-workers, and bosses. To accurately define what a Normal Male is like we have to begin to “chalk” the lines as to what we are not as well. So many young men and boys are communicated to as if they are inherently bad. This happens because we have an educational system that is rife with misconduct, poor standards, and even worse is their comprehension for how boys learn in educational environments.
      What Normal Males are…we are emotional, communicative and when we struggle we share our struggle, we aim high at work and school, understand that women and girls should be respected, we care about more than just a “good time,” and we continue to educate ourselves through trade and educational services. We are committed to understanding our role as fathers, community members, and we are open to discussion and dialogue through thoughtful consideration of multiple angles. My challenge to Normal Males is to speak out when we hear, see, feel that our gender is being represented in a fashion that is inauthentic and destructive to all males. Unfortunately, there are so many issues with our gender right now that the first step is commenting etc on what is not accurate while also including what we do believe. I encourage you to read some of my posts that discuss the issue and the elements necessary for the redefinition.
      Warm Regards,
      Dr. Rod

  2. Adam

    I found this from a comment on Art of Manliness. This is interesting, but it seems to lack a point. The title piqued my curiosity, but didn’t seem relevant to the content.

    I’m skeptical that “normal” is the adjective you should be using. Is “normal” what one should be, or what most currently are? Society is constantly redefining what it means to be “normal,” and nowadays it’s rare for what society idealizes to be what one should strive to become.

  3. Thanks Adam for your candor. I enjoy and appreciate the debate very much. This is exactly what I hope smart and thoughtful folks can and will do. My point is that Normal has become something so “out there” and non-representative of day-to-day folks that we can’t even touch, feel what Normal actually is and means for us. This is the danger for younger males who are struggling mightily to find direction and role models. Thanks again Adam for making me think. Have a great day!
    Dr. Rod

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