Do Normal Males & Marriage Mix?


Every now and then I am reminded of my place in this world and yesterday was no exception. My fiance and I ventured downtown to the “big” wedding convention to swim through the vendor booths, snack on bite size cake samples, and yes…attend the bride and groom fashion show. A full day I assure you. πŸ™‚

To begin we had to shuffle through the crowd to register and receive our goody-bag and a convention badge. One that said Bride and ONE that said GROOM πŸ™‚

Yes, I was treated like gold and adorned with a name placard with pink string and manly font…and of course this “gift” was not given without comment. The very nice women who was registering us was so happy that I was there…”We make so many of these badges and none of the men ever come….you’ve got a good one.”

Now…should I feel like James Cameron and on “top of the world” or should I be embarrassed that other grooms-to-be were sitting their butts on the couch to watch Brett Favre dismantle Jessica Simpson’s Ex?

Embarrassed? Yes! Annoyed? Yes…with two things.

1. Men are so low on the totem poll with this thing called a wedding that begins a MARRIAGE that when we do show up to be an active participant in the planning other women don’t know how to respond. And, in regards to the woman who registered us…she found it fit to salute me while talking to me in a tone fit for a toddler who successfully completed a somersault in a mommy-and-me gym class.

2. And of course there has to be a sequel to point number 1 because…and I will admit this…males have been so poor in speaking up and participating in an event and life-altering decision that women have been forced to think of us as just another chair-cover or centerpiece or vendor relationship they ultimately have to cross off of a list.

Why can’t males act in a Normal fashion for their nuptials? Have weddings turned so commercial that men feel excluded? There may be a point to that and some reading this might be of such opinion, but I tend to think it is more of a reflection of males inadequate participation levels.

Men wonder why they feel excluded and find it easy to pout in the corner when not actively asked to join in…yours included on those bad, personally cloudy days…,but that is no excuse! You, me, and the rest of the Normal Males need to “jump” into the water…it isn’t as cold as you might think and won’t leave you wishing for warmer water and anti-shrinkage pills.

Marriage and the weddings that introduce the union should be approached in an active and collaborative fashion. Guys…we can’t blame the women in our lives for thinking we care more about the pig-skin than the sheen of a wedding gown, nor can we blame them for making decisions for us with our future mother-n-laws. Step up and be accounted for…wearing a badge that says “Groom” next to your lovely fiance is pretty cool when all is said in done….now where did I put my emery board? πŸ™‚

Dr. Rod
Rod Berger, PsyD
The Normal Male

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2 Comments

Filed under Boys, Dumb Men, Education, Family, Fathers, Good Men, Males, Marriage, Mothers, Relationships

2 responses to “Do Normal Males & Marriage Mix?

  1. Julie

    I totally agree with you, and good on you for taking an active role in your wedding plans. I think many men do feel excluded from the wedding, with brides and mother-in-laws tending to take most responsibility for the planning. I admit that my husband of almost 7 years did not enjoy planning our wedding. Flowers, rings etc are not really his thing. He did come with me to help make choices (though he fell asleep at both the florist and the cake shop!) because although he didn’t care much about the wedding, he cared about the marriage to follow and made an effort because he knew that would please me. Sometimes in marriage, we need to make an effort to please each other and engage in something we wouldn’t normally enjoy, just for the sake of “togetherness”. Marriage for both men and women needs to be somewhat about sacrificing our needs for another.

    • Thanks Julie! Much appreciative of your kind words. Kudos to your husband for showing up….half the time that is all men need to do to start the conversation and to send a positive message. So many just don’t “show up.”

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