Would you consider yourself a space traveler? How about a caveman or better yet a beer guzzling, in career transition, Homer Simpson-type that thinks women are supposed to fall at your feet? Are you a woman who has believed since birth that you are the Queen of Small-Town U.S.A. just waiting for others to notice? Have you screwed up past relationships? Have you promised your love and then shattered it within a day or two? Have you ever caught yourself saying, “I love you” to someone only to be followed with, “Oh s&*%” in your head? If you have then I want to officially welcome you to the human race. We are a unique species that you will find wonderment in. You will be astounded by our hypocrisy to each other and even ourselves. You will probably be blown away at how little we actually communicate to each other and how ridiculously in love we are with numero uno–ourselves!
Trying to answer the question as to What Women Want in a Man and even further the question of mixed or complex messages has been quite daunting for this author. I have received Top-10 lists, stories, emails, comments, retweets, short stories and even hypothetical transcripts depicting various male-female exchanges.
I have been told about parenthood, marriage late in life, and guys who try to pick up single moms and expect sexual intimacy after one date. You name it…The Normal Male has heard it. And, it has been through back-n-forth commentary with my readers that I have found something…something so simple that it could be considered devastatingly complex…maybe all of the back and forth between and within genders can be and should be traced back through the evolution of our species.
Stay with me…there has to be a reason why males inherently want to be real-time, in the moment fixers. I mean let’s get real here…if we are so good and adept at solving problems why is it that we can’t see that not only do we not fix the problem at hand we actually exacerbate them? Why is it that for all of the women who say they want a sensitive and caring man they turn around and want to be “taken” during intimate moments? It is like we, as we are constituted today, are fighting ourselves and better yet our ancestors for a war we don’t even know exists. We are so wishy washy that if we had visitors from another planet they wouldn’t know where to begin…I am not even sure Mork & Mindy could figure it out!
Just a few months ago a survey was done that found women would like men to do more body hair grooming. So ladies, what you’re saying is that you can put up with a lot from men, but back hair has been present for far too long? Sounds silly and even a bit goofy, but if we are realistic about the litany of requests, obsessions, and compulsions we have about the other sex we would find that we are confused not only by their behavior, but in fact our own.
It can make one wonder if we are going through a change as we speak…Natural Selection?
I do not want to turn this into an Evolution versus Creationism debate…rather to note the obvious complexities in an area we all so desperately want to figure out.
Nobody wants to go through a divorce, be a single parent struggling to provide for their children, or be known as a serial-dater and/or scared of commitment. Do we? Maybe we do. Maybe we should stop trying to fight love and just surrender. Many of us have wondered, a time or two, if a good relationship and marriage are even attainable. Are we just playing the lotto or any scratch game hoping for the big win? You can’t tell me that marriage is left or should be left to chance…are you?
Some have shared with me this week that marriage should never end and people should and have to work at it. Others…disgruntled and well they should because they have experienced heartache, abuse, shattered dreams, and countless debt to their banks and families for the empty promises and countless discussions that are long past due. Many of us feel like we should be “paid up” for all of the misinformation, broken promises, and trips to nowhere we have stumbled through. We want someone else to pay and in the order of our choosing.
We often say that we want to punish those that have emotionally scarred us, but really what we do is punish the newbie in our lives for others past transgressions.
Why? Because they are a warm body and we have to have someone pay for hurting us. We expected the Disney story, the Notebook ending, or at the very least a working phone number the night after a “what did I just do?” And, it is that flicker of hope that keeps us going. Keeps us looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right when all we see in front of us is “Oh No!”
We feel like we are in space sometimes and can sometimes be left to look to the stars for answers because we are lost and not in love. We treat the thought of love and marriage like something out of a science fiction flick that we can never quite put our finger on…but we get a feeling we know. It is the allure of love and marriage that keeps us looking for and expecting unearthly skills from the opposite gender on the off chance we become everything we aspire to be. This way we will have the perfect someone for our perfect-ness. It is ridiculous, but sadly true. Even Elaine from Seinfeld shared the prophecy when she predicted that her doctor-bound boyfriend would leave her after getting licensed. I mean if we can’t take our cue from the Seinfeld gang then I don’t know where to turn.
All kidding aside, marriage and love are meant to be elusive so that when we accidentally discover it…well we are blown away. And, once we have found it we take a chance…we each take a chance because to say otherwise would be self-proclamation of a higher order…one I don’t think any of us can be making. Chance? Yes!
Once found, though, we can’t leave success to chance. Success in a marriage for both parties requires significant reflection, insight, down-right work, and a slice of humble pie when all you want is a retribution sandwich.
Please continue to send your thoughts and comments as I will work to compile and share your experiences in a thoughtful and hopefully meaningful way. Wishing you all the best in love and marriage!