Ladies…is YOUR Man A Closet “Metro?”


Just the other day I was sent a request from a reader who thought I should write about Metrosexuals. Scientific or not… defining what is or is not a Metrosexual…now that is a project I would like to take on….so let’s begin…

There have been many a theory as to the origins of Metrosexuals. Some think that “Metros” are just stylish visitors from a far off planet while others think that Joe Namath and his pitch for pantyhose sprung the “fad” into action. There are some that think the U.S. was invaded again by the Brits and David Beckham and some have no idea…they just want all “Metros” to “go away” as they tantrum back to their man-caves.

Trust me…from a guy who has lived in Detroit, Chicago, L.A. and now Nashville the very concept of “Metro” is a bit bewildering and primarily due to the stereotypes of each locale.

In the South…you might be a “Metro” if you use product in your hair, brush your teeth twice a day, and have thrown out your plaid flannels from 1997. The bar is pretty low in the land of honky-tonk and okra. To be a “Metro” is associated more with sexuality than hygiene or appreciation for the art of conversation. Evolution moves a tad slower in this region and the growth of males is no exception.

We All Have Our Limits Joe

Up North…or should I say the Mid-West—well it isn’t a whole lot different. The typical guy might shop at Eddie Bauer, but that might be pushing it. Manhood can still be found to be judged on horsepower rather than overall style and health.

...For the 21st Century Man

The Northeast…now this is a region more like the West coast. Metrosexuals are trendy, they are considered the true evolution of man. Style is in. Hair product and “outfits” a must. Appreciation for healthy habits in vogue…and enjoying the arts with your wife/girlfriend a requirement for card-carrying status.

The West coast…well what else is there to say? It’s Hollywood man! It is the land of perfect bodies and teeth, health food stores on every corner, and women who openly desire a man who is fashion-forward and has a sense for fine cuisine. I am not sure if the birth of the “Metro” came from L.A., but it sure can credit its continued refinement to it….calm down New York…you dress us all up and you know it.

Calm Down Ladies...Calm Down...

What do you think? How do you define a Metro? Is he hiding out in your home? What are the benefits? What are the costs? My fiance has joked that she is so happy to be marrying a “Metro” because I take part in the wedding planning from all angles.

So…is it exclusively judged on a man’s level of participation in stereotypically female activities? Does it mean that “Metros” dislike guy movies, getting dirty, playing football in the park, or having a cigar with the guys?

Absolutely not! Those that think that “Metros” are less manly are missing the boat and are probably stuck in an era infamous for keeping women and African Americans down and out in society. Can anyone say…Archie Bunker? And, let’s face it…with all of the negative stereotypes surrounding males (beer belly, beer guzzling, grunting, thoughtless, art-less, and chauvinistic…to name a few) it is a wonder that some men have taken heed and responded with an updated version of the gender.

"You Mean I Can't Watch South Park?"

So with that said let’s channel a bit of Mr. Foxworthy and begin the conversation that might determine whether or not your boyfriend or husband is actually a closet “Metro”….

  • You might be a “Metro” if your first association with Jack Black is a skincare line and not the actor…
  • You might be a “Metro” if know that Sephora is a cosmetic store and not a place on the map…
  • You might be a “Metro” if you comment on newscasters ties or pinstriped suits…
  • You might be a “Metro” if you wash your hands and face after mowing the lawn instead of grabbing a brewski…
  • You might be a “Metro” if you think all mirrors have a date with your face on it…
  • You might be a “Metro” if you know how to match your shoes and belt with your clothes…
  • You might be a “Metro” if you worry about back, ear, and nose hair…
  • You might be a “Metro” if you count calories…
  • You might be a “Metro” if you plan your outfits ahead of time…
  • You might be a “Metro” if you know the difference between HGTV and the Versus Network…

Now you might say that this is all fun and games, but it truly is a battle…one fought in the trenches of our living rooms. Some might even say that political lines are being drawn. Trust me now…no tried-and-true Democrat wants to bring Cheney on as a spokesman for “Metros” and Republicans, especially in the South, have no interest in an “evolution” that their “daddy” and his “daddy’s daddy” wouldn’t partake in. I’m just sayin…

I mean look at this advertisement… “only manly men like my daddy know what to drink and how to act.” How ridiculous…you’re telling me that the guy in the sunglasses didn’t pick that “stylish” hat because it matched his shirt…come on fellas…

If anything…the mere concept of Metrosexuality provides a forum to actually discuss what it truly means to be a man. I think we can all agree that being a man encompasses elements of both Jack Blacks and to say otherwise only retards are overall growth as a gender. Trust me when I say that “Metro” men are just that MEN.

Metros enjoy watching the Bourne Trilogy, hanging out with friends, the thrill of competition, and seeing the smile on your face when we have made you happy. Males of all ages need to settle in and get comfy…Normal Males are not going down without a fight. We want young men and boys, and the females that care for them, to know that being a man encompasses far more than the televised imbeciles we see on T.V. and in the movies.

Now where is that darn mirror and who stole my facial cleanser?

It's Mine Dr. Rod....All Mine....

Dr. Rod
Rod Berger, PsyD The Normal Male

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Filed under Males, men, Relationships, women

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